(We've been watching a ton of Game of Thrones lately,... can you tell?)
You: "But Cory, what happened to those yummy beans from Tolima Colombia we learned to love and think we cant live without"?
Me: "Dude, you drank them all. No, seriously, they're all gone till next year. This is the reality of buying small batch, and organic coffee. The supply is limited. Finite. You guys literally drank the last of this stuff till next year. But fret not! We will be first in line to import more of that stuff when it's finished drying in May or June of 2018.
You: "Holy fuck ballz Cory! I wasn't prepared for this reality! I'm not taking this news well. I need to sit down for a second... Breathe,.. breathe... Breathe... What do I do now?"
Me: "You prepare yourself to fall in love all over again. Because we have replaced those beans with new ones that are even more exclusive and that you are going to be crazy about... read below..."
Our new coffee beans imported from the Madriz region of Nicaragua are considered some of the most luxurious specialty coffee available anywhere in the world. This coffee is as fresh as can be too. They just started shipping these dried beans as of July 20th 2017.
Organic, Fair Trade, and Smithsonian certified "Migratory Bird Friendly". This certifies that these beans are from "agroforests" that ensure preservation so that migratory birds will always have a safe haven when they travel to from across the world to the places where your coffee is grown.
How can we put "Great Fucking Coffee" on the label if the coffee farmers are dicks to the birds?
Answer: We can't.
By buying this coffee, You become part of the solution.
You're an awesome person! Who knew?
Answer: We did.
This coffee is going to rock your world, homie.
Chocolatey Nose (That means it smell like chocolate..... just like the last stuff!).
Flavor Notes: Black Cherry, Raisin, Brown Sugar, Frothy Creamy Butter, and Roasted Chestnuts.
Truly a party in your mouth. So decadent, you'll be tempted to pour some in your pants.
(Hint: Let coffee cool down to room temperature before pouring any coffee on your sexy parts.)
Ready to give the Nicaraguan Roast Of Kings a Go?
Use offer code: NEWBEANSMOTHERFUCKER! and receive 10% off your next order now through August 14th.
As always, hit us up with any questions or comments on Facebook (Messenger is best) or send us one of these old-fangled emails to firstname.lastname@example.org.
We're dying to hear from you, and can't wait to see your name on the next order we fill.
With caffeinated gratitude and buttery delight,
Love you so,
- Cory Dean & The GreatFuckingCoffee.com Crew